Forgiveness.

What emotions do you feel when you come across the word forgiveness?  Be honest.  Do you feel joy, happiness, peace or love?  Probably not.  Or, do you feel a grip taking hold of your heart, a queasiness in your stomach, or perhaps feelings of anger, betrayal, shame or hurt as you think about the incident that broke you.  For many of us, the answer is yes.

The act of forgiving is very difficult.  We are spiritual souls living an earthly experience.  Forgiving someone does not necessarily mean making amends with the person that hurt you.  The most important reconciliation is with yourself first.  By this I mean, being able to make peace with the hurtful event to find resolution so that you can move forward and let go of the pain.

Sounds easy, but it’s not.  Forgiving someone is not something that can happen overnight and you are done.  It can take days, months and years to forgive.  I don’t have all the answers, but I do have some insight to share that you may find helpful in your own journey to forgiveness.

Acknowledge your feelings.  Whatever emotion you are feeling (revenge, shame, embarrassment, anger, etc.), feel it. Get it out of your system.  You can do this by talking to a friend, counselor or God.  I spent a lot of time crying with God, and when I was done with that, I took my anger out on Him.  Trust me.  God can handle it, and He loves you unconditionally.  He will help you through it.

Forgive yourself.  You are human.  It’s okay.  What someone did to you is not a fault of you, but rather the fault of the person who hurt you.  Don’t think about the “what if’s” or “what you could have done differently.”  These phrases keep you from moving forward and stuck in agony.

We are human.  Forgiveness is not about forgiving the act done to you.  It’s about forgiving the imperfect person.  As humans, we are all imperfect beings.  We make mistakes.  Sometimes we are aware of the mistakes, and sometimes not. Try to look at the person with eyes of compassion. I have to remind myself that the person who hurt me is a child of God too.

Seek help through prayer.  God hears and answers your prayers.  All of them.  When we do not have the strength to pray, Jesus intercedes and prays for us.  Knowing this helped me through some really difficult times when I had nothing left to say.

It takes time.  Don’t be hard on yourself if your journey to forgiveness is taking longer than you would like.  God knows your heart.  Ask for His help.  He yearns to help you.  He wants to restore you.  Let God transform you and fill you with His peace and love.

Don’t give up.  If you are not seeing or feeling any progress, it can be very easy to give up.  Please don’t.  Your hard work will pay off.  You will feel a lightness in your soul, a renewing of your mind and the peace of the Spirit inside.

In time and in your own speed, you will find the capacity to forgive those who have done you harm. It is possible to discover forgiveness as an expression of an open heart.

I leave you with this quote from S. McNutt:

“Fall in love with taking care of yourself.  Fall in love with the path of deep healing.  Fall in love with becoming the best version of yourself, but with patience, with compassion and respect to your own journey.”

With love and peace—
Jody